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Hallmark Channel's Rejected Christmas Movie Pitches – by Vanessa Purdy

5 Rejected Hallmark Christmas Pitches

Here at TOsketchfest, we know comedy gold when we see it. So that’s why we’ve rounded up these rejected Hallmark Christmas movie pitches — premises so inane, bizarre or just straight-up stupid that even the network that puts out 30+ Christmas movies a year couldn’t find a spot for them.

 

Christmas.com

Superstar blogger and lovable klutz Khrysanthemum Kringle is lonely—and a size 2?! Being hot and rich in the big city can be tough: sometimes she even misses her ex. On top of that, her new neighbour (a handsome, recent, widower) makes so much noise in his workshop building toys for poor kids it’s hard for Khryssy to focus on blogging.

But when her post about not liking Christmas goes viral, a mysterious mister who is certainly not her neighbour slides into her DMs with sage advice…and romantic intent! Could this be the Christmas Khryssy finally gets kissed?

 

The Enchanted Christmas Fruitcake

Mark McKindofcute has never been much of a believer. But when his grandfather passed away and bequeathed him the family fruitcake, he’s starting to question everything. Why did his entire family think this fruitcake was magic? How has it been preserved for so long?

With the help of his gorgeous, kind-hearted and inexplicably single childhood best friend, Jessie Jolly, Mark unravels the secrets of this magic Yuletide treat; and maybe even the secrets…of love.

 

ChristMrs. Clause

Carly Curmudgeon has it all: blonde hair, a Fortune 500 company, and a vaguely ethnic best friend! But something’s missing. Could it be…love? Or…Christmas? Or maybe even…both?

It’s Christmas Eve and, as usual, she forgot to get anyone anything. After yelling at a suspiciously Christmassy old lady in a store parking lot for no reason, Carly angrily drives away…only to run over that lady, killing her instantly! For the first time, she feels bad about something. Not enough to change her ways, of course, but enough to pout. Until she looks in the rearview and sees a grey hair—oh no!

But it’s worse than she thought. Carly’s not just getting old. She’s becoming…Mrs. Claus! And she only has until midnight to change her ways, lest she be stuck living with some fat old man in the middle of nowhere for the rest of her life!

 

The Three Hunks of Christmas

Ella Nezers-Crooge is a child of divorce, and therefore, inherently and bitterly dysfunctional. Despite being pretty for a brunette, she’s never found love—but three hunky ghosts are about to show her exactly how that’s her fault!

In one crazy Christmas Eve, Ella is guided through her life so far by a hot guy who died in her past, a hot guy from her present who will die one day in an unrelated manner, and a hot guy from her future who might just be…the one?

 

Because It’s Christmas, That’s Why!

Busy big city lady Lucy Loveless runs a newspaper—and its advice column. When a reader writes in asking what to do on his first Christmas since his wife died, Lucy takes it into her own hands to find this lonely and surely handsome man to keep him company on Christmas.

Let’s hope the Christmas spirit is in the air for Lucy and the anonymous but undoubtedly hot widower; so that this is not the act of a desperate weirdo, but just another relatable and not at all invasive choice made by an entitled young white woman fueled by Santa’s magic.